Question by : Help on a drug abusing mother..?
My mother is addicted to cocaine. I didn’t really know this until about two years ago when I was 17. My parents are divorced…It was nasty and happened when I was really young *about 7*. Of course, not knowing anything about my mother and her addiction, I believed everything she told me about my father – how he was an alcoholic and would beat her and all these horrible things. Recently, I’ve come to find out that 98% of everything she told me about my father are not true…. But my older sister wont believe me. My mother was always telling us these lies and its almost like she’s brainwashed my sister into believing that my dad’s the bad guy and she’s a saint. Of course, when I discovered my mom’s addiction, I told my sister… who told our mom… When I came home from school that day my mom was waiting for me and started crying saying “how could you think so little of me? This is exactly what your father tried to do to me in court.. tell these lies to get custody of you two.” And her speech made me feel so bad about myself that I believed her, AGAIN, and thought that I was a bad person for thinking such disgusting things about my mom. About a year after that *I was 18*, I found new evidence that I /was/ right. Slowly, I started dropping hints that I knew and she pretended not to get it but would get extremely mad at me – only confirming my suspicions. So I confronted her one night after we had gotten into a big fight. She told me to buy a drug test because she’d happily prove me wrong, so I went up to CVS and got one. It proved positive. Sure the line wasn’t a dark bold red, but there was NO denying there was a line there. After the results showed up, my mom started crying and ran to my sisters arms saying it wasn’t true and blah blah. When i went to talk to her, my sister gave me a literal death glare and said *i’ll never forget this* “Why are you trying to tare apart our family?!” That really stung… I was only trying to help her see the truth… but once again my mother made somebody else look like the bad guy.
Occasionally, some of our utilities would be turned off because the bills wouldn’t get paid and one time it was the electricity *about six months ago*. So my sister and I stayed at my dads for a bit . I decided I liked it there so I officially moved in and have been living here, happily, ever since. But the problem is, is that my sister is still at my moms, completely unaware of the dangers around her. I found out that my mom tried to start selling it, and since then there has been an, i’m sure, illegal pistol in the house. this means that they anticipate a situation where they may need to resort to a gun to protect themselves. I really don’t want my sister in that sort of environment… but she won’t listen to me.
And my mothers gotten so bad that whenever I come over she’s locked in her room, coughing up a storm *she smokes the cocaine, she doesn’t snort it*. One time I came over and the stove had been left on for hours, the dog was outside and the door was locked meaning she’d been out the entire night before and all that day without food or water. On top of all that, my mom still calls me and says things like “I hate that you’re living with your father. He’s ruining our relationship…” and she’ll start crying. But it’s not my dad thats made me distance myself from her…It’s her.
It’s gotten really bad… and I don’t know what to do. I need advice from anyone. Preferably someone with a similar situation. I feel like if I confront her again, she’ll just convince me *she is the /best/ liar the world has ever known* that i’m wrong and that i’m a horrible person for thinking those things about my own mom – the woman who gave me life.
And then there’s my sister… How do I make her come out of her denial and see the truth?
Sorry for the rant, thank you so much.

Best answer:

Answer by William R
Just to let you know i don’t have an experience like this but in any consolation i would like to input anything that may help.
For starters you need to get your sister on your side. If your really sure that your mom is always smoking then you should have some sort of evidence. I would suggest writing out all you have to say about it that you want your sister to know. It is hard to ignore words written out in front of you. Staying at your dads is a good idea but make sure you have developed your own opinions and don’t follow his either. Once you get your sister on your side. Assuming that it works, you should try and host some sort of intervention with you your sister and your mom, guessing that involving your dad would shut her off from listening. All of you should write out what you want to say before the time comes so everything is put out and look online for a place to help her. My mother is also a world class liar and guilt sucker and same with her boyfriend. Just keep your thoughts as yours and keep striving to get where you know you should be. You are on the right path and if need be should seek professional help.
I hope all goes well for you and will pray for your good luck. Stay strong and keep focused. I know you can do it.

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